this week.


well lets see.
i don't like all your different personalities. all your different attempts to make people like you. i love you. your a nice (non gender specific pronoun) but sometimes you are too much.

and you, you are just like her. every reason you hated her is slowly over taking you. this boy can't bring you that much joy. i thought you didn't like him anyway.

and well of course you. i don't know if i do anymore.


i'm sorry.

i really want to offend someone with this.

how can you "promote" love when you are too busy tearing it apart. there is way to much segregation going on here for it to be good. you look at them and say, "well maybe if you raised them better" when in all honesty your son is hardly a virgin. and you look at us like we are horrible? last time i checked, we don't tear apart girls' self esteem. and the only hope you have is that God is a forgiving God, but you don't preach that. so... lets hope he is for your sake.
(you're nice people, you really are. just out of touch, with us, and the world of today. but you are taking baby steps. progress is still progress)

and man, i wish my priorities were in line, like yours.  EMURIKAH!!, then GOD, then Family, then being a douche, then everything else. if i were like you i would be perfect.

breakfast, anyone?

i love you

so what?

so what?! so plenty! i love you, you belong to me.

people don't belong to people.

of course they do!

i'll never let anyone put me in a cage.

i don't want to put you in a cage, i want to love you-

i just really like Jack Johnson.

i want to turn the whole thing upside down

i'lll find the things they just cant be found

i'll share this love i'll find with everyone

we'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs 

i don't want this feeling to go away

this isn't who you think it's about...

i love being your friend, but honestly it sucks. 

i want more. 

i want to be able to hold your hand whenever i want. i want to kiss you, and it not be awkward. i want you to wrap your arms me. and i want to feel the bones in your back. (but it's not like i actually would)

what do you think?

What will we do with ourselves this afternoon? And the day after that, and the next thirty years? 

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

How about let's just spend it with each other, and love one another.

remember Elle Woods was able to get into harvard.

but... exercising  releases endorphins, endorphins make people happy, and happy people just don't kill their husbands!

i never wanted you

i never wanted you

i know i said i did

in front of witnesses

and then we lit one wick

but now i get my kicks

i know you never suspected

because i never said

but baby i was faking the whole time

how could you have ever guess it

with no accomplices

baby i was faking the whole time

you know it's not like me

 to be inflammatory

but rather than let you think that 

i was so naive 

i'd have you believe

i never wanted you

i never wanted you 

you never had my heart

our love was never true.

i know you never suspected

because i never said

but baby i was faking the whole time

how could you have ever guess it

with no accomplices

baby i was faking the whole time

no we never connected

you only thought we did

but baby i was faking the whole time

-David Bazan

happy Hanukkah

we light these lights for the miracles and wonders, for the redemption and the battles that you made for our forefathers, in those days at this season, through your holy preists. During all eight days of Hanukkah these lights are sacred, and we are not permitted to make ordinary use of them except for to look at them in order to express thanks and praise to your great name for your miracles, your wonders and your salvations.

so i had this dream of you...

ok so i had this dream, and it was wonderful. but then i woke up. and that was it, it was jus a dream.
but anyway...
hi.
hey.
i think i might love you. tell me you love me.
you know i love you.
so are we dating? laughs
haha i guess.
they hug, he goes in for a kiss. she turns her head, and leans back.
 and for some reason, i was really happy, even with just that.
that little was fantastic.

i want to move back to California. 

so... ya... this isn't working out.

life is too short to deal with shit. (sorry about the language) you should be happy i wish i could make you happy. i wish i could bring them back. i wish i didn't love you. i see how everyone looks at you, and i want you to be happy more than anything.

     but don't think it's just you...

          and A. i wish that you got the respect that you deserved, and that you didn't have  the stress. 

and C. i wish  he could love you.

And the tragedy is on

The rest is automatic. You don't need to lift a finger. The machine is in perfect order; it has been oiled ever since time began, and without friction. DEATH, TREASON, and SORROW are on the march; and they move in the wake of storm , of tears, of STILLNESS. Every kind of STILLNESS. The HUSH when the executioner's ax goes up at the end of the last act. The unbreathable SILENCE when, at the beginning of the play, the two lovers, their hearts bared, their bodies naked, stand for the first time FACE to FACE in the darkened room, to afraid to stir. The SILENCE inside you when the roaring crowd acclaims the winner - so that you think of a film without a sound track, mouths agape and no sound coming out of them, a clamor that is no more than a picture; and you, the VICTOR, already VANQUISHED, alone in the desert of your silence. that is TRAGEDY.

-Sophocles

like all the boys before

levi, i like that name. it's the name of my hero. if it wasn't for him... i would be lost.

PRO's and CON's pt. 2

PRO's 

• she's so sweet.
• she's pink and golden, like a fruit.
• she takes he air out of my lungs.
• she is the reason why my stomach is in knots.
• we get along so well.
• it could work.

CON's

• i'm too nervous to do anything.
• i don't want to make the wrong choice.
• i loved her. 
• i still do.
• we don't fight.
• i never said i was brave.

words of wisdom (i hope)

i think that he is a cute young man, he might not be "the one" for you, but then again, you never do know.

listen, he's a sweet funny guy. and maybe you're trying too hard not to like him. what if all this trying is leading you to like him more. and i do know what you mean, about focusing on the little things, maybe if he was right for you, those things wouldn't matter.

aye!

OOOOOHHHH!!! my stomach is in knots, but i'm sure it my lactose intolerance. 

My heart is beating like a Florence drum, but i'm sure it's just my blood pressure.

My head is spinning, i'm sure it's jut my blood sugar. 

I'm fine. i'm certain i am.

off my chest, with no skin off my nose.

how are you not gonna talk to me, for like a month... then try and tell me how cute i am? i am more than just your boy toy.

hey Cady, i really like what you said to me. the fact that you actually care is the best thing ever. and i love you too. (in a not creepy way)

you don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald


What saves a man, is to take a step. Then another step.
C. S. Lewis

hello love

normally when i say i love you, you stop talking. today i didn't feel like talking, so i said it... it didn't work. i'm glad it didn't.

today... well... HA!!

i think that you got awkward when she said "you guys are meant to be together." (or maybe she said like two peas in a pod.) i could fell the tension. or maybe it was just me. i hear that i'm awkward.

what if they see this?

let's not.

What?

let's not. 

why? 

love isn't real.

yes it is!

i've never seen it.

you've never seen Jesus either.

true but that's different, i mean it's Jesus.

i believe in it. 

(i do too)

when you try your best but don't succeed 

when you get what you want but not what you need

when you're so tired but you can't sleep

stuck in reverse 

and the tears come streaming down your face 

when you lose something you can't replace

when you love someone but it goes to waste

could it be worse?

light wills guide home

and ignite your bones 

and i will try to fix you

-Coldplay

this might be a long one...

you know that the majority of these are about you, well here is another one. i hope living without those men in your life gets easier. i'm happy that i did stay, that i am one man who did. but they will visit us right? that's their job.
and i don't mind if you aren't in love with me... that's how this thing has always worked, that's how they always will.

not today.

i say too many things in my life. and now i'll i have to say, i would rather not.

things get better. things get worse. NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE.

condescending you.

i don't approve of your disappointed looks. your "i'm better that you" looks, and your "i'm over you" looks. what ever happened to being friends? i'm sorry that i became one of your dumb guy friends, one that you could put on your list. your list titled TRASH. i didn't mean to offend you.

c'est la vie

let's do it.
let's not.
but we will eventually.
but i wont let it happen this time. besides, it  never ends well.
it's only happened twice.
and ended in us hating each other.
we can make it work. 
but we fight like hell.
i love you.
i love you too.

i mean this in a way that wont make you cry.

twice?

can you just tell me something, anything will do.good or bad, right now you've got me eating out of the palm of your hand. what more could you want?


and as for you, please know i'm praying for you, not to sound condescending, but it has to hurt to lose that much. he will be missed.


B. you go through a lot, i know. people tell you things, i hope that things go well for the rest of the week and that Mr. H. doesn't give you anymore grief.

apology.

Dear Cady, we aren't the best of friends. this i know. i'm so sorry, i was wrong, and i hurt you. and you just defended yourself. it was my fault this i know. please forgive me. or at least say we can be friends again, like when you were away.

*sigh*

stability is a fragile thing, i t can be knocked over easily. but ironically it's sets up everything, so it won't get knocked over. i want stability, with my family, my friends, and with dumb girls! (who aren't really that dumb) but you go through life. all you can do is breathe, lets hope for the best. God please help us!

this works... right?

i think, you have to make it stable, if you want it to be stable. nothing just falls into place. and if it's not stable, knock it down, and make it stable. 

-Emily Garinger

To destroy is always the first step in any creation.

-e. e. cummings

Striving for the best, will bring you the best.

-Jones Soda bottle cap

serve God love me and mend. 

this is not the end.

live unbruised we are friends.

i'm sorry, i'm sorry.

sigh no more, no more.

one foot in sea, and one on shore.

my heart was never pure. 

you know me, you know me

but man is giddy thing.

oh man is a giddy thing. 

love it will not betray dismay or enslave you.

it will set you free. 

be more like the man you were made to be

there is a design an alignment a cry of my heart to see.

the beauty of love as it was made to be

-Mumford and Sons

#2: happiness:)

Alex Eliason-Miller,
got accepted to numerous colleges from around the state, but she turned them down to go to cosmetology school. and i think it's awesome. she is doing what she wants to do. which is more than most people are willing to do. most people are fine with living unhappy lives as long as they are making enough to support them, and their lifestyle. she is doing something that can pay well, and also something she loves and is good at. a good friend of mine, has often said he wouldn't mind marrying his girlfriend, getting a dead  end job, and making music with his band. and that's way more respectable than getting a 9-5 job. i think that as long as you're happy, you're successful.

IT STOPPED

We were such good friends, and then she stopped. I came home today, to find you sitting on my couch. 
I said "hey", you didn't respond at all, you just sat there like a corpse. I tired to get your attention, you just wouldn't listen. Then you got up, packed your things, and walked out the front door. Did i do something?


Because if i did i'm sorry.

CONGRATS!!!

it is with a heavy heart that i say CONGRATULATIONS. i will miss you and your shenanigans, your infectious Laugh, heart warming SMILE, and your way of making EVERYONE feel like they're a part of "The Group", i will miss you. i hope BELGIUM brings you a wonderful life, great friendships, possibly love. if you haven't already found it.  i will always love you like a BRO. and will never drink another VANILLA LATTE.

Love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love  all of the time.
-Julie Andrews
i kind of agree with this statement. but i don't want too. if Jesus can love us unconditionally why can't we love each other like that?

Dance Dance!

Lets go out. Lets go to a speak-easy.

We should

We should get all fancied up, and dance till morning.

I'll be, Zelda and you my F. Scott.

As long as i'm your only F. Scott i'm happy.

Lets do it. 

And maybe we'll see Mr. Dillinger!

I should hope so, i love you

I love you too.

this is for yesterday

Hope come 

from under the ocean

and cover my burdens

like a cloak

 let all the doors close

  and shut all the windows

  i just want to hear you

  with out all the noise

I know i let you down

But i want to come home now 

i've missed you 

the way that i used to

when i was a child

and you we're my God

but you're so mysterious

the way you keep nearing us

like the sound of the water 

in the dark of the night 

i know i let you down 

but i want to come home now

-Roman Holiday

I AM.

PRO's and CON's

• PRO's

• she's my best friend
• we "love" each other 
• we know each other better than we know ourselves 
• i think we could make it work 
• she's almost everything on my dumb list
• she makes me happy 

• CON's 

• we're best friends
• we "love" each other
• we know each other better than anyone else
•  i am straightedge, she is not
• we have history together