uoy evoli tub

can we do this forever?

i meant every word, this is just the beginning.

this is yet another sentence to add to this giant love letter devoted to you.

i'm not one to test the waters, i mean i'm too passive for that. i just sit by, watching the waves. seeing how i can create my own waves. thinking about wanting to dive in head first, without any cares. but i'm too passive. but i guess one day i will jump in. maybe i just need a push, you know to get things started...

passion sounds nice. "it's like sex, but better, right?" this is all i know, i've seen "passion" and it's just a bunch of grunts and fake love. But us, we have real passion, i know this because the way my heart beats so loud, and so fast when i say "kiss me" or just holding your hand. and the way you look at me the way your eyes light up. that is passion. i'm certain of it.

But life is long. And it is the long run that balances the short flare of interest and passion.Sylvia Plath

TRUTHS PT4

let's be real.
Tom was so dumb. Summer said i don't want a relationship. Tom should have heard that and not gotten so emotionally attached, he shouldn't have fallen in love. Usually when a girl says they don't want something they mean it. but no Tom apparently heard that and thought she said, "i love you, let's have a relationship" Tom's pain was his own fault, and you shouldn't feel sorry for him. Tom kept pushing, and pushing for one, it eventually caused Summer to be pushed away.  into the arms of another man.
Tom is a dumb hopeless romantic.
nothing is going to happen in your relationships, Tom.

Summer was an upfront tease, she said plainly, that nothing could be, but still lead him on. of course she should have realized her affect on him. and should have stopped it. she should have, but she didn't. she shouldn't have taken advantage of him, but she did.
Summer is a dumb girl who doesn't know what she wants.
all of your relationships are going to end badly, Summer.

i refuse to believe that we are them.

i don't know...

don't be mad...

just listen,
you really liked him, and i can't blame you. maybe you thought that he might stay, your first time shouldn't have been like that. he should have loved you back, loved you, like you loved him.
but him, he knew that nothing good could come from this, but he still did it, that's what bothers me. he shouldn't have done it, or he should have listened to you, and been there for you, in the months after. you guys don't even talk anymore. and that's what pisses me off the more i think about that night.

but that's just me...

just say that you don't want to, and i wont.
but if you tell me you do, i will ask you, "properly" and bring you the one flower that has bloomed in my yard.

i'm glad you are trying to understand, because you are one of the only ones who do. can you just give me compliments... and hold me till i feel better? and then, could i hold you whenever you're sad?

i can't help it. it's like i love being miserable. i actually think i do. it was like i was staring at you, and trying to memorize your face, and you caught me... i kept staring. but let me tell you, as i was reading i felt like i was prying into your life, it was eating away at my heart. but i couldn't stop.
next time i have an idea, say no, tell me to "fuck off". my ideas are the worst.


and i can't even get angry. i wish i was perfect. i could feel my insecurities creeping up again. they engulfed me. i know i promised, i tried, i really did.

i can tell what you're thinking, i mean, i know you pretty well.
i think that the answer is a definitely no.
it's not like i mean that in a rude way.
it's just how i feel.

i can't.

ok so i fall in the the way most teenagers fall asleep, comfortably, rather quickly, and not even caring what happens.

you, on the other hand, fell in love the way i fall asleep, a long painful process.

 it seems sweet, but it's probably not.

sixpence has got nothing on me!

em ssik 

say it, it sounds like 'i'm sick'

now say it backwards.  

that was tonight.

i know i'm going to.
i can't hate people... i really wish i could.
i can't even find a reason to be angry anymore.

you know what i mean?

you only know what i want you to

i know everything i don't want me to

your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

you think your thoughts are the same as mine

i don't love you, but i always will

i wish you'd hole me when i turn me back

the less i give the more i get back

your hands can heal your hands can bruise

i don't have a choice, but i still choose you

i don't love you, but i always will

i always will

- The Civil Wars. 

you know, when you think of dads, you think of a man who is there for you. someone who actually loves you, your brothers, and your mom. someone who doesn't drink, and isn't the drug dealer of the town. a man who doesn't hit your mom. someone who doesn't ruin your older brothers life by telling him that he's not his real dad. and who won't throw a dresser on you, after he'd been drinking all day.

or someone who throws tantrums, like a five year-old . someone who doesn't get pissy when you ask him to take you son driving. who does't throw something in her direction when he's angry. who doesn't make your children feel like crap. 

we've had that before, we don't need it.

who are you? cause i'm me...

i drink. i'm not a virgin. i'm gay. i do pot. i don't believe in God. i steal. i'm in love with someone who isn't a christian. i cuss like a fucking sailor. i said i love you to my girlfriend. i gave him a blowjob. i got a blowjob. i masturbate. i cut myself. i lie. i'm jealous. i drive without a license. 

tell me, if you're so holy, which one is the worst? 

you can't, but you still try.

(i do too sometimes, i'm not perfect)

IS THERE...?

is there a problem?
i want you to be honest. like me, but more upfront, and ballsy about it.
don't be a dick though.

i'm happy real happy, not because anything you did. just because life is good. 

maybe you do have something to do with it. but either way i'm happy. 

and that's all that matters. 


at least i thought so... i guess my high wore off.

i'm sorry but they won't know... they never will

have you ever seen the play Antigone?

well there are these two sisters, Antigone, and Ismene. 

Antigone is a stubborn girl, who never fit in, and was kind of a whiney bitch.

Ismene on the other hand was a girl who couldn't make up her mind, and she was a slut, she got all the guys, while Antigone paled in comparison.

           

            you are Ismene, well except you're not a slut. you make so many of your friends feel like they aren't beautiful, or even worth anything. but they are beautiful too. and they deserve recognition. you already had your time in the spotlight getting who you wanted, pushing the others in a corner. it is their time.

guess who?

it's time to grow up. it's time for you to be a man. stop fucking around with those damn dandelions. stop chasing cars, and butterflies. it'll get you nowhere. stop masturbating, get a real woman to fuck. and you'll be better off this way. no one wants crying piece of shit. man up and get a job.


fuck karma.

TRUTHS PT3

i'm done being honest, it might hurt someone.

oh yeah and i'm pro choice. and i think that homosexuals should get married, and have equal rights.

basically i'm a liberal.

TRUTHS PT2

i tried to make a list of what i loved and hated about you. i couldn't find much to hate:
i hate how you seem to control my emotions- when your upset.
 the love, well lets see:
you love me- you are funny- we can talk about anything- we fight- your boobs, even if you think they are small- we are comfortable with each other- you make me smile- you are so beautiful- you give me butterflies in my stomach- your laugh- your smile- your body- every little fucking thing about you- that you care- the way you head feels on my shoulder- your blue eyes- your mexican-ness- you can't sing wonderfully, but you still sound like an angel- how we slow danced together- the way you look at me, wanting to know what i think, and trying to fix my problems- your sweet disposition- you stand your ground,  when you truly believe something- your outlook on the world- how your hair falls around your face- how you hold yourself- how you butt dial me all the time- i love you

TRUTHS PT1

i can't lie, i felt betrayed when you first told me.
and i was pissed today. i ran and ran, then when i got to the school, i collapsed and started crying. i couldn't get up but i did, and i changed the song, and kept running. i made it around the theater, around the six hundred building. into the gym. and i cried some more.

but i'm not upset at you. i was upset that it wasn't me. but i know that it probably won't ever be, we know how these things end. neither of us will be happy. (i felt like i had to compete to be what you wanted. you loved him and not me for a reason, right?)

i should have been honest with you from the start.


i still love you. and even him.

PRO's and CON's pt.3

PRO's:

• lets be honest, it would be the best thing ever.
• the way your head fits in the nook on my shoulder.
• i think i really do love you.
• you're funny.
• you're really beautiful.

CON's:

• if it ended, it would ruin our friendship forever.
• i'm really insecure.
• we would need some work.
• (again honesty) i'm to nervous to take the first step.

would you take it with me?

i wonder if sometimes i go to far.

9! that is the number you left on me, deep deep in there.

you tried to have eleven, but those two left.

they are dead and gone. no one knows the trouble it caused. 

i was stripped bare, naked, everyone was staring at the dead corpse.

i had to start over, from the very foundation of life.

9! that's all that's left. 

9! that's all you are to me, just a number.

let's get real... i used to cut myself. but now, there is hope, a promise.

remember that time when we thought you were pregnant? 

or how about the time that i thought it wasn't mine?

even better, when i knew it was mine, and i drove you to the abortion clinic? 

remember how young we were? 

then we cried for hours, i just held you, and i told you everything was going to work out.

"can't you see

 it's not me you're dying for"

                    -Ben Folds Five

why wouldn't you want this?

 this is true love, love you couldn't imagine. everything that could ever complete you. everything that you would ever need. whether you chose to believe in it. i will still love you.

i was wondering maybe

could i make you my baby

if we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy

if you ask me i'm ready
if you ask me i'm ready

-Alicia keys

this song sounds like it's about sex. right it's not just me? but i think that it could be more than sex, that there is some deeper meaning. maybe it's about just being in a committed relationship. 

i meant this...

"i want all of you, forever, me and you, everyday. "
 everything that you are, every reason i love you, and every reason i don't. 

some good laughs.


"sex i s a bad thing because i rumples the clothes."
Jackie Kennedy


"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."Joan Rivers


"Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."
Tim Allen