monday 7:45 am. "ah-hmm"

a new record- 7:15, my day reached an emotional peak, only to come crashing down all around me.

i mean i knew i would hear about it at some point.

and i honestly shouldn't care. it shouldn't bother me.

maybe i'm upset because it was my first.
maybe it's because of who they are.
maybe i'm just not able to do this yet.

all throughout first period i had to hold back from feeling any kind of emotion (tears). keep from flipping desks over and running out of the class. i was actually beyond fuming.

fuck him, you, those people who were my friends...


i think i might have just now realized that i'm alone here.


IanaMae HELP ME PLEASE!!

"This world destroyed her."

you don't need this

you, from what i have noticed, have always had some type of boy trouble. but it's not you're average boy troubles- they hate you.  but i don't understand you're actually wonderfully beautiful, you have a lot of lovely attributes- you deserve better. but you already know this. you never need any type of affirmation, but here it is. don't let them treat you that way.

"trees cover a multitude of sins."

-Bob Ross

i think that this is the most beautiful statement i've ever heard in my life.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!
...all of you, you all act like you know me so well. well, let me tell you something, you don't know anything about me. you, you know my struggles, you know my dreams, but not what i really want out of life? you think that you can just stand there and diagnose me, and say that you finally understand things. but you don't. you can't you were never good at it. and no amount of insight will help you. no "understanding" you get from reading my blog will ever help you understand anyone. especially when you haven't actually talked to me in over a month.

and you, why do you even pretend that you're so understanding? you hate just as much as "they" hate. you are just as upset, and bitter as "they" are. i want you to go back to being a moderate person, or at least pretending to be. because now we don't have anything to talk about, not anymore.

it's been a while since i've checked this website.
so... um this made me really happy.

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/11/our-differences-unite-us.html

two things. pt. whatever

listen, i love you but you've changed too much. and i don't really like it. i don't know if i want to be around you anymore. you're actually just becoming hateful- just like "them" i hope you've noticed this. not like them, though. you're on the other end of the spectrum.

i can feel my chest getting tighter. like someone is sitting upon me.

I CAN'T HANDLE IT!!!

it's like my limbs are getting heavier,

there is a slight sting. it is all over.

i think  that it's easy for us to dehumanize  people based on simple things, (i.e. how they look, how they talk...). but i don't really feel that, that's fair to them. calling someone an ogre, won't do anything but lower their self-esteem which might already be low. we don't actually know what a person deals with internally, so the way we treat them is important. the qualities that we hate most in them might be an attempt to fit in, or a defense mechanism.

remember, a wise man once said, "a person is a person no matter how small".

for the glory of God.

Scott Garrett, a 36 year old man, he is a really good guy. okay? has a daughter, who is roughly eight-nine i think. is divorced. has a fiance who has waited all her life, for a man like this to come along. a messianic jew, so you know he's "one of us". was a pediatric nurse. okay? good guy, great guy. sweetest disposition. last year, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, everything seemed like it was going to work out. but still it was a horrible blow to the family. fast forward to their last diagnosis. Scott's cancer has gotten worse. it has wrapped it's way around his spine, spread to other vital organs. the doctors said that there is not much that they could do.
but don't worry it's all for God's glory. watching a 250 pound man go to about 170 pounds, for the glory of God. watching it affect Fineman, and Sidney- God's glory. watching his body slowly kill itself, God's glory.

i do still believe in God. but i just don't understand... how could this happen?

bitter.

So while my parents were watching fox news tonight, I got really upset. Mr. Hannity was bitching about how President Obama wasn't doing his job as president, in dealing with the effects of Hurricane Sandy, comparing him to President Bush. And the thing that upset me the most wasn't the way he was talking about Mr. Obama, it was how he wasn't actually willing to do anything himself. (Other than sit there and complain about how other people aren't doing it right.) i'm sure that Sean Hannity has given some money to the red cross or some other charity. but i also don't think that it was that much of a sacrifice. In all honesty, how time consuming is it to film a talk show? not as long as it takes to rebuild a city.
I guess what i'm trying to say is- don't just complain about how things suck, if you have the power to do so fix it.