but i will make you see

that you belong with me 

stick me to you

nature needs no glue

always be true

-Slow Club

lover dearest,
           i love you. and i'm happy now. but have you ever noticed, that i'm not really happy unless i'm with you? that scares me. i should have my own confidence, my own happiness. but i don't really, and that's fantastic, so long as were together.

dearest, my love, darling, sweetie, mi amor...

but never babe. sometimes my girlfriend.

and always Daphne.

i'm slightly scared...
did i ruin you? when i met you, a couple years back, you were so shy and sweet.
not to say you aren't now, but you have changed. we could blame it on the people that we didn't like, but i honestly think it was me. and i'm sorry that my cussing, smoking, and overall bad habits influenced you. i'm sorry. i should have been better.

Aspyne Fae Lacross, born into a world where problems are constantly rising. i hope nothing but the best for you. sweetie, you are going togo through things in life, and it's not going to be fair but you are worth it. you are worth more than it. and i wonder if things had gone a different way. but i'm happy you're here, and healthy. 

Alix, good luck... i would like to see you sometime soon, and little Aspyne. of course Justin too!

things i wish i'd said:

• goodbye
• i'm sorry
• actually, there is quite some pain
• now
• no
• don't
• please don't go
• tonight
• yes 
• please
• forgive me
• i did
• just stop

but this is only what could have been. 

and i don't like to dwell on the past.

"my love" i like it. we should do that... all of it.
 but not now, because it's late and you're asleep.

btw's there's more...

those three words that are said too much but not enough

i think you're right. 

it's scary, but sometimes you have to go through scary things to get to what's good. 

do you understand what i'm saying?

i don't know what else to say other than, i love you.

then just say that.

i love you.

i love you too.

we're disgusting. 

i know, what happened to us?

you are more than my best friend, you are the girl i love. the first person i talk to in the morning, the last person i want to talk to before i go to bed. you are the reason i go to school most days.

and i love you.

you're also the background on my phone. haha

okay, so i'm going to try to explain this as best as possible.

i tend to avoid these places, 

• in front of the 400 building, by the gym.
• the PLU courtyard.
• that one side of Emerald City, by the bathroom.
• near the cave, where i fell on the rail.
• the bookstore. (unless it's by a window, where i can look out and forget where i am) 

today i went to these places.

and it wasn't the same, without you.

i love you more each day.

so i was sitting in your office today, and i was just thinking of what it's like to have to watch all this pain. all the drama, watch kids throw their life away, or watch kids make the most of what they have. watch all the pain, wishing you could fix our pain. and knowing all the scandals, wishing that they weren't happening, or at least not in the seats. but you go through all this, well... some of it.
as i was thinking this, i also thought, you teach us some life lessons and we don't even realize it. you teach us to think things through, or to be light on our feet.  you teach us how to roll with the punches, to get back up and fight. how to be flexible, and to manage time. also not to take ourselves too seriously.   and character development isn't so much about the character we are trying to portray, it's about seeing other's perspective. and teaching us how to be a quality person. you give us all this insight on how to live a life that's worth living.

on nights that i can't sleep, i like to listen to the rain hitting my windowsill and the croaking frogs.
i also lay there and wish that you were laying next to me.

i feel like that everyday.

how do you deal with that? 

what me liking her?

yeah, i mean like that all the time.

i just tell her that i love her everyday.

oh that's nice...

trust your instincts. they're normally right.

don't let anyone persuade you.

friends make secrets.
we are friends aren't we?
are we? Because i mean that would definitely put a limit on our relationship.
never mind we aren't friends.

stop prolonging the inevitable, we both know it's going to happen. just end it, you ended things before, right? wait... yeah i think, i don't actually know.


i don't know...

so i think that she only says it, as a way to apologize to me. like she doesn't actually mean it. i mean it, when i say it.
so change that, make her mean it.
how do i do that? 
i don't know.

so the thing about love is that even though sometimes you might piss me off, i still love you. and will want to be around you. and put up with your shit.

January 8th.

i want you to know that you mean a lot to me, all of you actually. i thank you for inspiring me to learn a new instrument, and making me feel welcome. and to you two, thank you for talking to me when my mind got sweaty. i know it'll be a awhile before you leave but, still i just wanted to say that i'll miss you quite a bit. i hope your baby, Addison, or Adele, or whatever her name is does well in Missouri.

and to your endeavors of starting a church goes well. i wish God would call me to do that, because it sounds so exciting. 

all of those flaws you say you have, i don't see them when i look at you.

i wii never understand calculus, or you. but i don't care, you mean the world to me...

there was a couple, well not really a couple. they were for all sakes, and purposes a couple, without the title. Tom, and Delilah. Tom wanted more, but Tom was a person who would never be pleased with anything. Delilah never knew what she wanted. together, they were perfect, apart they were walking travesties. they never became a "couple" and everything worked out.

i look forward to anything, everything. i'm happy, it's not just you though. but you do help.

maybe it is you... it's something i know that.

we won't.



what do you think?

"well i can see the words inside your silence,

but i can't speak about your pain for you

how long can you burn for anyways

turning over and back again with tongues ablaze

like lions without teeth hungry

staring at the forrest with flames in our eyes just talking with the trees

if we can drift long enough we'll be home

sails blown by the fires within pushing me to you

you can live inside of me sewn together

breaking and healing, growing and breaking again and again.

and you are a part of me, you are my home and i'm your home

but i'm no place you'll want to be

so i'm out here again with sparks hid behind my teeth

i won say a word for fear of failure spreading

it takes some of longer to get to our dead ends

we have old blood stained with loose living

ran through charcoal hearts to make it red

and we can be on fire again you and I,

you want this? well say what you want....SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!

we can talk lung to closed ear, head inside of hand

turning over again together

cut up for the cheap heat running through our veins

and we can lay brick by broken brick

our ashes pushed in between

and build this road back home to where we want to be

we are not our own, we are the same"

-Dan Smith

right now, shit's about to get real.

1. i still love you.
2. i honestly feel like i was just a way for you to get over Bim, and your dad leaving.
3. i'm sorry that i'm not what you want me to be.
4. i'm sorry.
5. i'm still going to write you everyday.
6. i'm sorry i can't get my shit together.
                                                             no. fuck it, i'm going to be less passive.
7. he isn't going to be right.

8. there are some things  about you that piss me off, but i don't care because it's you.

9. i'm going to call every night, just to say goodnight.
10. i don't give a fuck, this is going to work out.
11. i'm sorry that you fell for me, but i was too damn boring to keep your interest.

i hate the weekends. probably because, i don't see people, on the weekends. that's why i love school, there are people everywhere. but on the weekends, i don't see many people. i sit and watch TV, watch movies that make me, want to cry. i hate weekends.

at least there is a show i can go to tonight.

"they didn't agree on much. in fact, they didn't agree on anything. they fought all the time, and challenged each other everyday. but despite their differences, the had one important thing in common. they were crazy about each other."



i miss those days.

no.
no. never.
nothing could make that happen.
YES!

sweetie...

okay, okay. so you know that moment when we are staring at each other, and my face relaxes, and i look really tired, and you look really concerned. you know? and then your eyes wonder all over my face, and, i say i love you... and you smile, and say, i love you too. 

that's it.

hey, i wish i could wrap you in a blanket, and protect you from pain.and it's weird, we've hung out like what once? but still, i see that you aren't happy, and i wish i could change that. maybe it's cause i think that you are a sweet person, and that these douches are wrong, you are beautiful, and you should have to go through shit with       , he's kind of a dumb boy. or maybe it's cause you're her best friend, and i've known you forever.
God, i wish i could fix things. but i can't. i have to sit back, and watch all of our lives unravel.

the other night dear,

as i lay sleeping.

i dreamt i held you in my arms,

but when i woke dear,

i was just dreaming.

oh please don't take my sunshine away.

you are my sunshine,

my only sunshine. 

you make me happy

when skies are gray.

you'll never know dear,

how much i love you.

oh please don't take my sunshine away.

you know that i can handle it... right? like i'm stronger than you think, and i can talk about it.

when you're sad

i swear to god i will..

• slow dance to broken masterpiece with you
• tell you i love you every five minutes 
• hold you
• tell you that everything is going to be alright
• listen to everything you say
• hug you
• rub your back
• sit in silence for awhile and let you cry 
• wipe away your tears
• go on a walk with you, and hold your hand
• read you poems
• sing a duet with you
• draw on your arm, or wherever i feel like
• kick your dog out of the house
• kiss you
• play you everything i know how to play on the piano
• do whatever you want
• read "the fault in our stars" to you
• bake brownies with you
• cook you mexican food
• put your head up to my chest
• kiss you again
• watch black and white movies and play with your hands
• sit on top of you until you feel better

i promise that i'll be there.....

i want to cut you out of my life, completely. you've done nothing for me, except cause me to doubt myself, and make everyone else to doubt me too. you've ruined lives. but it's a good thing i guess, because we've all learned our lessons. (everyone who you've hurt at least). you'll never learn. you'll keep making mistakes, and ruining lives. it's just what you do...

i'll swim the ocean for you. 

besides you smell nice... who wouldn't want that?

I want to feel the sand beneath my feet

Breathe the breathe of you r fresh air

Feel the silence in a room

Lay in bed when you're not there

Be the source of best advice 

Your entire universe 

Cause i love you to much to let you go now

Obviously we'r too distracted

Filling your days with romantics

It's in your blood to draw attention 

Make the best out of the situation 

Kiss me 

I want you to hold me.

It's in your blood to draw attention

Make the best out of a situation.

I want to see the sunset over me
Catch up with an old friend
See a girl i used to like
Do cartwheels up and down my heart

Telling secrets underwater
Giving valentine flowers
i'll wait by this mailbox for you or your letters

-New Found Glory