So it's nice to pretend that everything is going to get better. But lets be real. He's dying, has been for over a year now. And I guess since he's accepted it, we should. I was eight when my dad died. It wasn't that big of a deal, because I didn't know him. The man was a complete stranger he was only there for like two years. But imagine being that age and losing the perfect dad. The dad who was always there. And the thing that gets me is, he's not just a dad, he's a son, he's a fiance. The pride and joy, as well as the love of someone's life. What kind of fucked up world do we live in? This shouldn't be happening. What is to be learned form this? What kind of way is this for God to show his love, or power?
i'm angry at God. What kind of sick plan is this? He didn't choose to get pancreatic cancer at the age of 36.

.

we all hate ourselves. because we're told to.

i don't know what i was hoping for, but i was hoping for something.

Today while I was filing for Alyson, there was this kid who isn't really sweet in any way. He got a better score on a test, than this other kid. Normally it's not that big of a deal. But he was totally being horrible to this kid, and saying not only that this kid was stupid, but that he was somehow better than him for getting a better score. I didn't really know what to do.
What could i do?
I'm actually not an authority figure, I'm a secretary.

"There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil things, and those who see evil things and don't try to stop it."

i don't know why or what.

oh come on now you give yourself too much credit, he was young, and that's all you need to get your hopes dashed, is be young. and everyone starts out young. so everyone gets their hopes dashed.

blonde hair turned, still ocean blue eyes. 

i feel pathetic. and so small. 

i also think that i don't ever want to date because i romanticize the people themselves and not the relationships. Tiffany, Parker, Haley, i should have realized this. and i still feel like i have this need, when i wake up from dreams. i'm not happy. i miss Tiffany.

I hate New Year's. It is dumb to me, that people once a year decide to change their life around. Why not have enough motivation to change it when you see the problem? 

I mean the reflection is pretty cool. But the whole lets get drunk part kinda sucks. Maybe I'm just too bitter. I do hate a lot of things now. 

Maybe I just don't buy into hype.