okay.

NO.

I constantly feel like I'm fucking up my life. Like every aspect- Not just with you, but like I still haven't gone down to Pierce. And I'm gonna be there for the rest of my fucking life. I'm not smart enough to do all this, I also don't even know how to handle my emotions anymore. I've been cutting again, and I feel like I can't stop- and I don't want to start smoking again, because I mean I don't want to willing do to myself what Scott had thrusted upon himself.

Also, the thing with you... maybe it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been drunk- but I was. And maybe it shouldn't have happened, because reasons. and I'm sorry.

I'M JUST SO FUCKING SORRY ALL THE FUCKING TIME
and I'm sorry that I'm freaking out- and that I need to talk all the time and that I need someone to talk to about death. I'm sorry I'm not brave, and that I can't handle anything. I'm sorry that you have to babysit a lot. It's not fair. I'm sorry that I'm so emotional- and I'm sorry that I cut myself.