no matter what, there is this thought in the back of my mind. it's always there, just whispering in my ear, "you're not good enough." and it's normally after i have a bad day, or a sad conversation (which in all actuality is sweet, and endearing.) but it's still-

i know that i am causing some pain. i'm giving one kid false hope, and another i'm just straight up, crushing him. while slowly beginning the process, of hating myself again. i think back on last year, and how i would lead her on. all in an attempt to make you think that i was fine. but really i was broken beyond repair. 

i'm better now, or, at least i was. that night, saturday, i was getting upset. i thought about punching a wall. i knew that it would solve anything.  but then, BAM! an idea, maybe that would make me happier. it didn't, it momentarily took away the anger, but replaced it with confusion. i was wandering the streets barefoot, closed eyes. hoping not to get hit by a car. 

last night, i was upset. and what bothers me, is that i should be able to tell you these things in person. but i can't. but i'll finish where i left off. but you know.

- "i just really like both of them. i can't decide" 

...

- Kaleb, and the haunted theatre. 

- the last time i went for a run. i kept running 'til i felt no more pain, 'til i collapsed, and cried. i couldn't breathe-

- after reading my journal, you gave me a hug. i didn't want that. not then. 

...  i guess that was everything.