so i don't know, just looking at your face tonight was hard for me. i guess i know that you're disappointed with me, why wouldn't you be? i mean you know, i was this good kid once. really i swear to god i was. i used to be like you. but something happened. and i changed. i hope it was for the better. but sure i did "that" and i don't regret it. but please don't give me those looks. maybe it was my vulgar language. it was something. and i'm sorry if i let you down, or was just annoying tonight. i don't know how to be normal. i'm just not good at that.

and can we stop talking like that? sure i know that it's "realistic thinking" but it sucks we'll grow apart, but why do we have to, i don't want to, i don't want to be another boy, because i've been that before. and i can't do that not with you. maybe i wasn't ready. but it was just progressing so well, and i wanted it. really i want to blame you. but it was me, it was. i don't know... it's a weekend, and i hate myself sometimes. maybe we'll add another cut. take another drag. do another shot. i'll figure something out. people are leaving, and i'm going to leave. it's not something i can handle. you can't either.


one time i thought that it was okay to not get close to people, for fear of of getting attached, and then they go. but i realized awhile ago that people leave, they go. and you get over it. it's life... but it's shit! and i'm speaking too much, and people are going to get tired of me.
they always do, you will. i know.